Earlier this week, I read a blog post by Alpha Parent called Who is best to parent? Boys or girls? It is an excellent article designed to help people who are dealing with gender disappointment. I am twenty weeks pregnant and my husband and I have decided to keep the gender a surprise until delivery day. This is our first child and I can honestly say that I will be thrilled with whatever we are blessed with; a boy or a girl. It’s cliche, but I just hope for a healthy, happy baby.
The idea of gender disappointment does linger in the air though. I’ve already heard comments from friends and family such as “I’m sure you’d love a boy to play hockey with” to my husband. Will he be disappointed if the house is overflowing with pink things? I admit that I feel I would be much more capable of raising a girl. I don’t have brothers or nephews. There are barely any boys in my family. I feel unprepared. But I also feel up to the challenge and part of me wants the uniqueness of having the first boy in the family!
Gender disappointment is a topic that I think needs to be discussed. In my research, I read many stories of women who are dealing with it. There was much talk of guilt and shame, keeping it to themselves and being afraid to love their child. Though it doesn’t affect us all, I think it is much more common than it is talked about. There are cultural and societal pressures regarding gender that can easily consume us.
So how do you cope with gender disappointment? How do you overcome it? I think reading the above mentioned post is a good start! It lists 100 benefits of raising each gender. It is fascinating and will hopefully lend perspective to those who have lost it. I think it is important to acknowledge your feelings. Communicate with your spouse, doctor and/or someone you trust and work through your emotions. Many people are insensitive to the issue and can only make you feel worse.
Did you face gender disappointment? How did you deal with it? What are your best resources that you want to share with other mom? This is a safe and non-judging place. All feelings are valid.
Here are some resources I found:
Secretly Sad: Overcoming Gender Disappointment